I love to be in the presence of LOVE. You know,
the kind of LOVE that brings a smile to your face and a flutter to your tummy,
knowing that you were around to witness it. Now, LOVE to one person can mean
something completely different than it does to another, but for me I have 3
different kinds of LOVE that always make me stop and savor the moment.
An old LOVE – the kind of love that warms you because it
is so strong that the feeling of it completely envelops you. A new LOVE – where you can see that for
every moment and every discovery they make together, their love grows deeper
and stronger. A young LOVE – the
kind of love where they don’t even know that they are in love yet, but you can
see it in their eyes, their body movements and hear it in their words. These
kinds of love make my heart smile. And I thought that when I first started
dating Josh that any one of those loves would last, with no effort involved
whatsoever. That it would and could just happen all the time. However, as I am
figuring out, it is not so much about love lasting so much as it is about love
evolving. And the couple that is unable to evolve together is also the couple
that is unable to stay together. I think I have a good example. When Josh and I
first met, it was in the gym. I was being personally trained by a co-worker of
his and he was personally training another gym member on the same days and hours
that I was there. He and I had brief conversations as time went on but never
really got into a “real” conversation, until one day, I happened to be in the
stretch area of the gym, and he had just finished up with his client and was
completing some paperwork. I went up to him and openly asked him if he was
married as he had a ring on his finger. He explained that he was separated. We
got to chatting and I asked him out for a “doggy date”. We met up for our date
on July 1st, 2009, walked the dogs (one of which was Scout, I didn’t
have Calla at the time, I was dog-sitting for a friend) for 12 hours! We went
for a picnic lunch, ran into some friends and chatted for a bit, and then at
the end of the night, we kissed. July 1st is Canada Day. Would it be
cliché to say that “sparks” flew? Pretty much from that day forward we were
inseparable. We had our hurdles along the way, don’t get me wrong. Arguments,
break-ups, get back togethers..blah, blah, blah. A regular soap opera
relationship. But we stuck it out. There was a magnet between the two of us
that you just couldn’t keep apart. He moved into my apartment in November 2010
and sure enough by December we were pregnant with our son! It was completely
unplanned, but we wouldn’t have had it any other way. He was made from LOVE J
Now, the
pregnancy was amazing. It went so smoothly. Josh was super excited to be a Dad,
I was ecstatic to be a Mom and the grandparents, well I think they were still
in a bit of shock at how quick things had happened. It was after the pregnancy,
when Kaynen was actually present and with us, where things really started to
change. Our LOVE had changed and at that time, neither of us knew how to evolve
to it. We argued A LOT. And I cried. A LOT. Thankfully for Kaynen, even though
his parents were a complete disaster, he was, simply put, LOVED. He was loved
by two parents who knew how to love him, but had no idea how to get back to
loving each-other again. And you know during the course of the first 6 months
of Kaynens life, there were many times, where Josh and I wanted to just call it
quits. Throw in the towel. Head out the door. But again, the magnet that held
us so tightly together in the beginning of our love, was still holding us
together during this time in our love, we just didn’t know how to evolve to it. There are no books on this. You can read ALL
the parenting books in the world, but they never once tell you, and I’m
paraphrasing of course – “Your
relationship will feel like it has been hit by bomb, it will feel like absolute
shit on most days, because, frankly, it is in the shits right now, oh, and,
sorry, we don’t have an answer for you, but keep reading!”
Post baby
time is crazy. And when I have new moms who ask me, how was this or what did
you do for that, or is this normal…I say “YES! It is completely normal and it
will change and so will you and so will your partner! You just have to want to
evolve with your partner by your side!” And more often than not, that’s all it
takes, is the simple reassurance that “things are shit right now, but keep your
head up and your feet moving, because it will get better!”
As time
went on though, and as Kaynen got older, it actually got easier. Josh took on more responsibility with Kaynen
which meant that I was able to get in some much needed “me” time, which also
translated into more Josh time, because I was feeling better about not only
myself, but OUR RELATIONSHIP. Our relationship had evolved and even though we
had no clue on how to actively evolve with it, we actually passively just, did.
We had evolved on our own, but together.
And now when I look back, through all the stuff we went through, I can
not only see where I went wrong but I have the ability to be acutely aware of
what I need to do to keep evolving in my relationship.
LOVE for me
now is spending time with Josh, either cuddling on the couch watching a movie while
the baby is sound asleep or heading out for a family walk with the dogs. LOVE
is hearing the sound of my sons laughter while he gets tickled by the tickle monster,
or listening to the rhythm of Josh’s heartbeat as we lie quietly with one
another. LOVE is the gentle licks that I will get from Calla or Scout as they
lie with me gleefully enjoying that the baby is sleeping. J
My
definition of LOVE has evolved from when Josh and I first started dating. It
was meant to, it had to. The more I fought it, the harder it was and the longer
it took. Our LOVE is simple now, we see each other for who we really are and we
try to keep it as un-complicated as possible now. We are allowing ourselves the
freedom to evolve into a deeper, more meaningful, long lasting LOVE.
A little LOVE goes a long way I think. Especially in our World today; we are bombarded by negativity and messages of hate. In the spirit of Valentine’s Day…which by the way is quickly approaching, please take a moment to LOVE. The smallest gesture, sometimes means the World to someone and can change their day or life dramatically. Be the Catalyst to Change. Don’t fear it. Embrace it. LOVE it.
Happy
Valentine’s Day Everyone! I hope you find someone to LOVE J
Health and Wellness Blogger
GEM Magazine LI
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